How to Put a Condom on a Soft Penis -- With Your Mouth

Those of us in our 50-80+-year-old age group who are dating or in non-exclusive relationships need to take safer sex seriously.

Yet how often do we face the challenge that the penis owner in our bed loses his erection (or thinks that he will, or doesn't have one in the first place) when we want him to don a condom? We can have plenty of sexy fun with or without his erection, but what do we do about barrier protection?

In honor of STD Awareness Month, I'd like to share with you an easy and sexy way to put a condom on a soft penis -- using your mouth. With the help of the delightful Kendra Holliday (who told me, "I've never done this before!), the perfectly flaccid Sailor Soft Pack from Good Vibrations, and an expired condom (don't we all have those?), I presented this demo during my "25 Tips for Sexy Aging" presentation at CatalystCon Midwest.  Here are the step-by-step instructions. (Practice on a dildo, soft packer, or consenting vegetable first.)


1. Start to unroll the condom, just enough so that you're sure of the direction it unrolls. Squeeze out any air in the tip. (That doesn't matter for the demo, but it's important when you do it in real life.)



2. Perch the condom on top of the head of the penis and roll it down just a little, keeping it in place with your fingers. If the penis is soft, the condom won't go down much -- that doesn't matter. You're just getting it in position



3. Put your mouth over the tip of the condom-clad penis head, leaving the rim of the condom outside your mouth. Use your fingers to keep the rim in place. Start to suck.



4. Keep sucking gently. Use your fingers to assist the condom to roll down over the penis, which is disappearing into your mouth, much to the enjoyment of its owner. As you continue to suck and the penis gets pulled into your mouth, the condom will continue to unroll over it -- magic!



5. Keep going until the condom is fully unrolled. Keep it in place with your hand as you remove your mouth -- if indeed you want to remove your mouth -- from the well-clad penis.



Doesn't that sound like fun? Oh, it is! Thank you to the lover whom I will not name who first introduced me to this trick.

Many thanks to Kendra Holliday for her willingness to learn this method in front of an audience. Kendra is a sex surrogate in St. Louis and co-leader of SEX+STL (Sex Positive St. Louis). She blogs as The Beautiful Kind.

Thanks also to Randy Austin-Cardona for photographing this process, and to CatalystCon for inviting me to give my "25 Tips for Sexy Aging" at this conference.

Note to meeting planners who were considering hiring me to speak until they read this -- don't worry, this demo is optional! As always, my talks are personalized for your audience and your needs and preferences. 

Condom, Lube Giveaways from Lucky Bloke

Update: Although the contest is closed now, I hope you'll read the interesting info below, including how to choose the right size condom!

What do you do to make safer sex sexier? How does it enhance your sexual enjoyment rather than interfere with it? What is your safer sex policy with new lovers or with non-exclusive partners?

Answer any of these questions and you can win free condoms or lube and dental dams!

I'm teaming together with Lucky Bloke, a condom subscription service offering more options than you thought possible, to find out what you think about safer sex and to reward two lucky people age 50+ with gift samplers of condoms or lubes! 

Here's what you can win:

Condom Sampler: An assortment of 12 different brands of condoms. Some will be familiar; others new to you. If you have a size preference, let me know whether you'd small, medium, or large. Use this Size Test if you don't know:

An empty toilet paper roll easily measures the erect penis of your choice. Click here.

 

• if there's extra room = SMALLER / MORE TAILORED FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 35% of men) 

• just enough room = MEDIUM / STANDARD FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 50% of men)

• if it's too tight = LARGER / GENEROUS FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 15% of men)

(from theCondomReview.com)

Lube Sampler: I'm often asked which lubricant is best. I have my favorites, but it really depends on you and what feels good to you. This sampler lets you try 12 different lubes so you can figure out your favorite.

Whichever contest you're entering, if you'd like some dental dams for safe cunnilingus, let me know that you'd like those included if you win one of the prizes. Dental dams aren't just for the dentist's office -- they are latex squares large enough to fit over a woman's entire genital area with room to spare so that there's no exchange of body fluids during cunnilingus. I know, they look funny, but they feel fine and don't interfere at all with the pleasure--take my word for it!

Here's how you enter:

1. Be age 50 or over.

2. Email Joan the following:

In 50-80 words, answer one or more of these questions:

• What makes safer sex (including condoms/ dental dams/ non-penetrative sex) sexy as well as smart at our age?
• How do you make barrier protection sexier, more fun, and an enhancement of hot sex?  
• What is your personal safer sex policy with new lovers or with non-exclusive partners, and why? 

3. In your email, include your name, age, email, and mailing address (does not have to be in the US!), and tell me whether you want the condom sampler or the lube sampler and whether you'd like dental dams included if you win.

The best two responses will receive samplers directly from Lucky Bloke, sponsors of this contest, and will be published here and in  The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, to be published by Cleis Press early in 2015. At Joan's discretion, more of your comments may be used in the book, as well.

You may enter by commenting here, but please also email me the info above (#3) so I can notify you if you win. 

By entering this contest or posting a comment here, you're giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book. I won't identify you in any way. Thank you for participating!

Contest is closed, thank you!

Note from Lucky Bloke to you:

Discretion and ethical business practices are paramount at Lucky Bloke. We only use our customer's information for shipping their orders. Everything is shipped discretely and personal information is never shared or made public anywhere.

Safer Sex for Seniors -- again!

Safer Sex for Seniors -- yes, I'm talking about this again.

You know I've been on a soapbox about this for years, telling you the stats about STDs in our age group; encouraging you to use barrier protection if you're not in a committed, exclusive relationship; sharing tips for having the "Condom Conversation" in my books, here on this blog, on Huff/Post50, and wherever I can spread the word; giving out free condoms at my dating workshops.

If you're age 50+, sexually active, and not in a monogamous marriage or a long-term, sexually exclusive relationship, would you answer some or all of these questions for an article I'm writing?

Do you use barrier protection (condoms, dental dams, etc.) with your partner(s)?

• What considerations go into your decision whether or not to use barrier protection? How do you decide?
• Do you sometimes intend to use safer sex, but in the heat of the moment, you don't?
• If you don't use protection, why not? 
• Have you tried the female condom (FC2) for vaginal or anal sex? How did you like it?  
• What facts about STDs in our population would be important for you to know?
• What else would you like to know from our community about our attitudes and behavior as we discuss this topic?

Comment here, or if you want to do it more privately, email me directly, including your age, please. If you comment here, give yourself a first name (it doesn't have to be your own) instead of just calling yourself "anonymous," and please include your age.

I might quote what you tell me in the new article I'm writing, but I won't identify you in any way (unless you want me to).

The conversation is open! Your turn.


What are those things that look like compact cases in the top photo? They're condom cases, the brainchild of Marsha Bartenetti and her daughter Rachael Sudul of Just In Case.

The case looks like a regular compact. Open it, and there's a mirror.
Open the next layer, and there's a space to stash a condom. Discreet, fits in a purse or pocket. 

See the different styles here. Thank you, Just In Case, for sending me these samples.

FC2: New Female Condom

FC2 Female Condoms 

Guest blog by David Pittle, Ph.D

Amy, a client of mine, reported, “The condom broke!” twice within a week. I assumed that her boyfriend must not know how to use a condom properly, because condoms rarely break when used properly. He must have been using oil-based lubricant, stretching the condom beyond its limits, putting it on without leave a reservoir space for the ejaculate, or using expired condoms.

Now all of that is teachable, but the boyfriend was not my client.I wanted to put the process in Amy’s hands. Years ago, I knew about the “female condom.” The original female condom never got much acceptance. As Joan Price wrote, “It was like having sex in a shower curtain.”

But the new FC2, second generation of female condom, is a different experience and a great improvement. It is soft and pliable, very easy to use, and made of nitrile, like today’s medical exam gloves.

The FC2 condom has many advantages. It . . .

• Is very comfortable 
• Is not constricting 
• Feels good to both the man and the woman 
• Warms to the temperature of the body, or more specifically, to the vagina 
• Can be put on hours before intercourse 
• Can be left in after ejaculation 
• Is impervious to oil-based lubricants 
• Is easy to insert 
• Aids in stimulating the clitoris for some women. 

But the most important advantage from the woman’s point of view. . .

• It is under control of the woman before she gets involved in the passion of sexual arousal. 

The female condom is easy to use. Insertion can be made a part of foreplay. Some couples make that part of their ritual. It is very hot for him to do the insertion—under her direction.

As we men age, our erectile response may become weaker or take longer. One of the great things about the FC2 is that the man can insert a flaccid penis before working up to an erection.

Strictly speaking, the FC2 is not a male sex toy, but it really can be. A man can use it, and I have, by himself, and find the sensations very pleasurable. One can’t say this about the standard male condom. This is not a minor issue.

When the FC2 female condom was introduced, it was pricey, but the cost has dropped. It's still more than a male condom, but not enough to be a problem.  Most drug stores still don’t carry the FC2 in stock, but Walgreens does, and others will follow as the FC2 gets more popular. They can also be purchased on-line from many vendors including Amazon.

Make the effort to buy the female condom, FC2, and try it. The FC2 is an excellent help in pleasuring ourselves and our partner while we protect our sexual health. You may never want to go back to the male condom—or, of course, to unprotected sex.


David M. Pittle, Ph.D., is a therapist in San Rafael, CA, who has been helping people with sexual issues for over thirty years. Many of his clients are age 50-80, when good sex is important, and dissatisfaction may lead to loss of shared intimacy that can threaten the total relationship. David specializes in helping women who are not experiencing sexual satisfaction and men with non-medical and medically-related erectile dysfunction or other issues. Visit his website here. Please see Dr. Pittle's reviews on this blog of Hitachi Magic Wand , Vacuum Erection Devices, and Tenga Egg. 

CatalystCon: celebrating sexuality

I'm basking in the joy of CatalystCon, a weekend of learning and sharing with other sex educators and self-proclaimed sex geeks. The mission of this event was "Sparking Communication in sexuality, activism and acceptance." Oh yes, mission accomplished.


Though most attendees were younger and I was the only speaker on senior sex, there were other people with grey hair (or they would have had grey hair had they not colored theirs). I felt total acceptance from all the people I met, even those decades younger. The sex-positive nature of the event conveyed this message to everyone: "I celebrate my own sexuality, sexuality in general, and your sexuality, no matter how different from mine yours might appear to be."

Megan Andelloux

I tried to choose from 40 sessions presented over two days, wishing I could attend them all. For every session I attended, there were four I had to miss.

Charlie Glickman

Some of my favorite sex educators featured in Naked at Our Age were speaking:  Carol Queen, Charlie Glickman, Megan Andelloux. There were names that inspire recognition and awe, such as Dr. Marty Klein.

 (Want your own "Sex Geek" shirt?  Order from Reid Mihalko here.)

I attended sessions where I'd learn information that you, dear sex-positive senior readers, would benefit from knowing, and others where I'd come away with plenty of "huh! I didn't know that!"

For example, the "Toxic Toys" session with Metis Black, founder of Tantus, high quality silicone sex toys; Jennifer Pritchett, founder of Smitten Kitten; and feisty educator and author, Ducky Doolittle. I was amazed by their stories of activism in an industry where sex toys used to be cheap, easily broken, and made of noxious materials that leached chemicals into our mucous membranes.  We have women like these three activists to thank for the safety and quality of sex toys today.


One of the most memorable speakers I heard was Buck Angel. Buck calls himself "a man with a vagina" -- he's a transgender man who elected to have top surgery but not bottom surgery.

As a child named Susan (but everyone called him Buck), he was a “total tomboy” and thought of himself as a boy. “Occasionally someone would say, ‘You’re a girl,” and I’d beat the crap out of them, and they’d say, ‘OK, you’re a dude,’” he says. “Everything was fine until at 15, puberty hit. Not puberty as a boy – but puberty as a girl. Here I am bleeding, my boobs are growing, I’m turning into a woman.”

He had his sex change 20 years ago, before female-to-male changes were done. He was the "guinea pig" for the surgeon who removed his breasts. “For years I hated what I was, and now I love it," he says.

Now Buck is 50 years old, a porn star (“the man with a pussy”), transgender activist, and motivational speaker. His past includes alcohol and drug addiction, modeling, hustling, attempted suicide, and death threats. “I should be dead," he says. "Why am I still here? Because I have a message to give the world: Deprogram yourself, and love your vagina.” Buck Angel's story is worthy of a  book. (Buck, do you need a ghostwriter?)

Carol Queen & Robert Lawrence

Another provocative session was "Why Talk about Sex and Disability?", co-presented by Robin Mandell and Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence (who also gave a fascinating talk on "The Anatomy of Pleasure" with his partner Carol Queen).

Robin Mandell

Robin referred to people without disabilities as "temporarily able-bodied" and made the point that we have much to learn from sex-positive people with disabilities. Robert, who referred to himself as “old and crunchy,” jolted us all when he spread out all the medications he has to take for myriad medical challenges including pain that limits mobility. He has had to make many accommodations sexually as well as in other ways. “It took being crippled to realize that sex wasn’t penetration," he says.”

I had fun at a workshop learning to use the new version of the female condom, called the FC2. If your experience was with the first female condom, which felt and sounded like having sex with a shower curtain, you'll be happy to know the material is completely different now. It's great for folks of our age, because the penis can be inserted even if it’s not erect, and lube in the condom doesn’t dry up or get absorbed.It can also be used for anal sex for either gender, just remove the inner ring. One man in the workshop said it was a way "to feel bareback sensations while staying protected." (This video shows how to insert it and gives lots of info.)

Okay, the female condom does look funny (especially in this model with a dildo in it that we passed around -- should I not have shared this?), but the workshop leaders, Planned Parenthood sex educators Alma de Anda and Mayra Lizzette Yñiguez, advised us to give it three tries to discover how comfortable and empowering it is. They gave me a bunch of samples (three in a pack, to prove their point) to share with my workshop attendees!


My own session was titled "Senior Sex Out Loud," the story of my journey from high school English teacher to fitness professional/ health writer to sex educator/ senior sex advocate, with experiences along the way that were sometimes amusing, sometimes amazing, occasionally appalling. I started out wearing a jacket, but shed it when I talked about body acceptance. (Want to hear this speech yourself, or offer one of my workshops at your venue? I have a suitcase packed, would love to come to you. Please email me and let's talk.)


But CatalystCon was more than the knowledge, more than the networking, more than the opportunity for me to share what I do and how I feel about it, more than learning what other sex educators do and how they feel about it. It felt like a brave new world was possible, one in which acceptance and celebration reigned.

Imagine living in a society free of closed-minded people and repressive attitudes and policies, where we celebrate our similarities and our differences and are truly kind to each other. That was in the air at CatalystCon.

I applaud Dee Dennis, who conceived and birthed CataystCon; the sponsors who made it possible and affordable; the extraordinary speakers who were willing to donate their wisdom and incur their own travel expenses; and the attendees who were eager to absorb new knowledge, communicate openly (even those who wore the "I'm shy" wristbands that Reid gave out), and take our messages home. CatalystConWest will become a yearly event, and CatalystConEast will rock your world March 15-17, 2013 in Washington, DC.


As always, I welcome your comments.